It's been awhile since I last wrote. Where have I been? Back down the rabbit hole. That damn rabbit hole leads to a dark place. A place that I have become well acquainted with over the years. A place that I hate visiting.
When I stopped falling I seemed to land with a thud. And, quite frankly, I was scared. I had tried to go back to work but after two weeks it was simply impossible for me to continue. I couldn't function and the anxiety was, once again, overwhelming. I felt devastated, like I was a failure. I wanted to be at work, living a normal life - not merely existing.
It has taken me a few weeks to regain some equilibrium. I feel like I can breathe again and I don't feel like I am walking through wet cement all the time anymore. Am I well yet? No but I made the choice that I always make. I chose to keep moving forward, even if that means that right now it's just small steps. At least it's forward motion.
This post is a step in that direction. Not as long as they usually are, it's a small personal victory. I may not be where I want to be right now, but I am getting there. Slowly but surely.
KB xo
Each step is an important one...and you made one with this post! Keep it up and do not be discouraged, you are getting there.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Simon! :-)
DeleteI am sorry to hear you are down the rabbit hole. I know that dark place all too well. For me, small steps are all there are. Big steps for me have never happened, only an accumulation of small steps. I am glad to know that a blog post is a step for you. I hope it is a sign of more light in your life. Hugs from across the Rockies.
ReplyDeleteHi Danielle. I'll take hugs across the Rockies anytime!
DeleteActually, I was on your side of the Rockies on the weekend (in the east Kootenays), so I guess the hugs would have been bigger as they didn't have to travel quite so far. (Ok, so silliness is one thing that helps me, so I thought I would pass it on).
Deletewelcome back, as you already know I missed you and your letters(blogs). I was also concerned
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dave. It's nice to be missed and to have someone check in. :-) I am on the mend, though!
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