"To New Beginnings"

Christmas and Hanukkah are over. The new year is just around the corner. Most of us are considering how we are going to get back on track with some resolutions around eating better, getting more exercise and the things that we want to achieve at work. But are you also considering your mental health?

The past year was a difficult one for me. I lost someone dear to me to cancer and I struggled in my professional life. This all took a toll on my mental health; I experienced heightened anxiety throughout the year and a recurrence of my depression, both to an alarming degree.

I could have chalked this all up to just a shitty year, frankly. But one thing that I have come to believe over the years is this: there is always a lesson.

My lesson was this:

Life is too short.

It's too short to not live it on your own terms and in ways that support your overall well-being: physical, mental, social, spiritual and financial.

In 2018 I was faced with what I recognized as a choice. Continue to live a life that was clearly impacting my health in a negative way or change what I could. So I did that. I made a BIG change and started my own business.

It was, perhaps, a big decision to make during a time that I was very unwell. But I listened to my intuition and it turned out to be the right thing for me. I knew it almost immediately.  After many months of reflection - and mourning my friend gone too soon, only six months older than me -  when I chose my new path I felt relief and a lightness that I hadn't felt in ages.

The old path had served me well. Until it didn't. Time to follow a new path.

In the past month I have had four friends reach out to me to share their private struggles with depression - three of whom are experiencing this for the first time. My message to them and to you is this: you are not alone, you are not weak and there is support available to you.

In the words of Oprah, this is what I know for sure: to live your best life - whatever that means for you - means that you must be intentional. Just as you brush your teeth, make emotional well-being a regular, daily practice. Consider what is working in your life and consider what is not.

The coming year holds many great, wonderful things. And I am equally certain that it will hold challenges. But you can meet those challenges head on - I believe in you. And you are not alone.

KB xo

P.S. Here are some resources that I think are pretty great:

5 Mental health apps to try

 Ted Talk: Guy Winch: Why we all need to practice emotional hygiene

Ted Talk: Nikki Webber Allen: Don't suffer from your depression in silence

12 Canadian books that explore mental illness 

The five essential elements of well-being

5 Things You Need To Know About Men & Mental Health

 

Man up. That’s what we tell the men in our society. You must not show weakness. The messaging that we send to men is consistently one of  hyper-masculinity.

What happens when a man experiences anything less than Western society's ideal of the ultimate strong male characteristics? What happens when a man experiences depression or anxiety?

The reality is that men do experience mental illness. It's not just something that impacts women.

1. When we talk about mental health we tend to focus more on women.
When I first decided to write this post to coincide with Movember, I began googling statistics on men and mental illness. Here's what I found: not a lot and certainly not enough. And that is a problem. While women still experience mental illnesses at higher rates then men, the gap between the sexes is smaller than one might guess. 

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, the StatsCan Canadian Community Health Survey on mental health and well-being "found that 10% of men experienced symptoms of the surveyed mental health disorders and substance dependencies, compared to 11% of women."

The World Health Organization (WHO) reports that one in four people will experience a mental illness in their lifetime. Illnesses associated with mental health challenges are now the number one category of disability worldwide. And in Canada, by the age of 40 almost 50% of us will have experienced a mental illness.

2. Men often don't recognize when they have depression.
Many of us - men and women - associate sadness with depression. Men will often display symptoms that differ from women such as anger, hostility and aggression. And many still don't understand that mental illnesses also manifest themselves physically. Classic physical symptoms of a mood disorder are back pain, migraines and digestive issues. Because we don't associate these things with depression, men often go undiagnosed. And that is dangerous.

3. More men die by suicide than women.

Women are more likely to attempt suicide but men are more successful at it - at a rate of four times more than women. The Canadian Mental Health Association reports that suicide is the second most common cause of death among Canadian men in the age group of 10 - 49 years of age. Yes, you read that correctly; males as young as age ten die by suicide. It's a staggering statistic.

4. We don't want to talk about it.

Depression and death by suicide are frequently referred to as a silent epidemic. Because there is still so much stigma, misunderstanding, bias and frankly, discrimination, that surround the topic of metal illness, many men don't want to talk about it; we still buy into the belief that men must be strong.

In the words of broadcaster and mental health advocate Michael Landsberg, "Sick not Weak." Mental illness are real illnesses and they cut across culture, socioeconomic status and gender. To have an illness - any illness - is not a moral failure. We have to keep telling ourselves this. And we have to begin believing it. Lives depend on it.

5. There is help.
If you think that you may have a mental illness, please ask for help. Visit your doctor, go to a clinic, tell a loved one. One thing that I have learned from sharing my own experiences with mental illness is this: it is extremely rare that the person you tell has not had some experience with depression or anxiety - if not them then it's a friend, colleague or family member.

What if you think a friend or loved one is struggling? Start a conversation. It's as simple as saying this, "You aren't quite yourself lately. Is there anything that you want to talk about? I care about you." And if you think that someone is considering suicide, ask them. I promise that your question is an important one and could save a life. Don't be scared to ask.

Here are some resources to get help and to learn more about mental illness:
Suicide Prevention Canada
Heads Up Guys
Mental Health Commission of Canada

In the words of former American President Bill Clinton, "Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all."

The strongest people in the world are the ones who recognize when they need help and ask for it. It's time that we redefine the word strength.

KB xo

P.S. Here are a list of common symptoms of depression. Please note that not everyone experiences all of these - human beings are all unique and symptoms will differ among us. If you think you may have a mental illness, please visit a health care professional for a professional diagnosis. 

• Anger, irritability, or aggressiveness
• Feeling anxious, restless, or “on the edge”
• Loss of interest in work, family, or once-pleasurable activities
• Problems with sexual desire and performance
• Feeling sad, "empty," flat, or hopeless
• Not being able to concentrate or remember details
• Feeling very tired, not being able to sleep, or sleeping too much
• Overeating or not wanting to eat at all
• Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts
• Physical aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems
• Inability to meet the responsibilities of work, caring for family, or other important activities
• Engaging in high-risk activities
• A need for alcohol or drugs
• Withdrawing from family and friends or becoming isolated

She Seemed Happy

She seemed happy. He was so successful. He had it all - love, money and fame. The last time that I spoke to her she was making plans. These are all things that have been said about people after they died by suicide. They also show what we fail to see: mental illness is not about being sad all the time. You might not see the signs.

The high profile deaths this past week of designer Kate Spade and celebrity chef/writer/TV host Anthony Bourdain were shocking, heartbreaking and perplexing to many.

Both of these people left behind young children, partners, families and friends. And, of course, their millions of followers and fans. The question that follows is often this: how could they do it?

Here's what I believe to be true about those who die by suicide. They don't want to die - they just want the pain and suffering to end. For those of you who have never experienced severe mental illness this must be difficult to imagine.

To feel that there is only one way out, to feel that there is no hope left and no light at the end of the tunnel must be horrible. When I went through a major depressive episode about five years ago I had suicidal thoughts. But I was one of the lucky ones; I could still make out that tiny sliver of light. So I held on. I was not without hope.

I am one of the 14.7% of Canadians who have thought about suicide, according to data collected from the Canadian Community Health survey in 2012. Sadly, 11 people will die by suicide in Canada today. It is the ninth leading cause of death in Canada. This statistic, coupled with the fact that mental illness is the number one category of disability worldwide, points to a serious health problem.

To put this into perspective, let's compare it to breast cancer. According to Statistics Canada, approximately 5,300 women will die from the disease this year. Suicide deaths will total approximately 4, 015. And there will be no pink ribbons to raise awareness of this.

Mental disorders - depression, bipolar disorder, addiction, to name a few - are complicated disorders of the brain.  What scientists know about the brain is a small amount. What is known is that these are real and they are serious.

We will lose people to suicide as a result of these illnesses. But we can save some people, simply by talking about this. Educating ourselves about mental illness is crucial. And choosing to be curious rather than judgemental is important.

Maybe the person that we need to worry about is the one who seems to have it all together, who never lets you see them cry.

KB xo

Get help: Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention

Why Mental Health Week is Every Week

 

The second week of May each year is recognized as Mental Health Week in Canada. It's an opportunity for mental health organizations such as the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) to create discussion and raise awareness about the importance of mental health.

It's also a great opportunity for employers to host lunch & learns on the topic and share information about their employee and family assistance providers. This is something that I do as part of my work as the Manager of Diversity & Inclusion at my organization.

In general, it's a chance to shine a light on a topic that, although more and more of us are talking about, still remains largely misunderstood.

This year I missed it.

Or, rather, I experienced it in an altogether different way.

The first five months of this year were difficult for me: Balancing stress in my life, coupled with the loss of a treasured friend to cancer, threw my mood disorder into a tailspin. I tried to catch my breath but after weeks of struggling I finally recognized it for what it was: a small relapse of my depression.

Living with a chronic illness can be incredibly tiring. When I found myself sitting in my doctor's office once again, as I have so many times over the course of two decades, I started to cry. How did I end up here again? That's what I wondered.

And then, almost as quickly as that feeling of self-pity came, it left me. Because I know the how and why: I have a chronic illness. It is something that I will live with for the rest of my life. After allowing myself a little bit of sadness and frustration I decided to brush myself off and do what I needed to do to make it through this one. I have managed to move through numerous depressive episodes and anxiety attacks in the past - all of them, actually. So that's a pretty good track record.

And I did - I made it. Two and a half weeks away from work and then I was back.

My resiliency is a strong muscle. I have been forced to build it after so many years of chronic depression. The key to resiliency, in my opinion, is being able to put things into perspective. I can't change the fact that mental illness is the 'thing' that I have been given to deal with in this life - everyone has something. But I can choose to be optimistic and do what needs to be done.

So how did I spend that time away from work? Walks in nature, quiet time, a low sugar diet, plenty of sleep, a small adjustment to my medication, and time with people who I love.

I also spent time considering and reaffirming what is really important to me when it comes to how I want to live my life. Losing a friend who is the same age as you tends to make you pause and take stock. It certainly did for me.

The big thing that kept coming back up to the surface through that reflection was my commitment to mental health advocacy.  I am not going to stop talking about this. Not until the stigma and shame associated with mental disorders is gone. And not until we no longer need a special week.

For me, and for the 450 million people worldwide who have a mental illness, it is not just Mental Health Week for one week in May. It's mental health week every week.

Your Brain on Nature: 5 Ways Forests Increase Well-Being

In honor of Earth Day I thought I would spend some time exploring how nature can benefit overall well-being. We usually just feel good when we are outside but have you ever thought to consider exactly why we feel good?

I lived in two of the most densely populated neighbourhoods in Canada for over two decades. There were people and noise everywhere. I loved the hustle and bustle for many years but I eventually began to feel like I had few peaceful moments in my life. And, it was absolutely starting to impact my anxiety and depression. I yearned for peace and quiet.

I finally tired of it and moved to an area much quieter. What I gained in tranquillity, I lost in my daily commute. I spend much more time in the car (not great for the environment - sorry, Mother Earth!) but part of my daily drive to and from work is through farm land and I have a beautiful provincial park ten minutes from my doorstep.

The noise and fast pace, coupled with the increasingly high cost of living, contributed to my decision to move. And I am not the only one, especially in Metro Vancouver. Many of us are searching for a balanced life, one that has well-being at it's core. But not everyone in the world can just pick up and move to somewhere more peaceful.

Urbanization is happening at a rapid pace worldwide. Why? Increased industrialization - people move to where there are jobs. According to a 2014 United Nations (UN) report called World Urbanization Prospects, 54% of the world population resided in urban locations four years ago. It is projected that by 2050 the number will be 66%. The city with the largest population? Tokyo, Japan. The greater Tokyo metro region wins the title with a staggering 36 million people.

Which brings me to the concept of forest bathing. Ever heard of it? The Japanese term is
 'shinrin-yoku' and refers to the sense of well-being that you get from being in nature. This was started in the early 1980's by the Forest Agency of Japan to encourage the Japanese people to take more walks in specially designated forests. Since then it has become an established well-being practise in Japan and is spreading worldwide. Just Google it and you'll find no lack of scholarly reports and websites dedicated to the topic.

And it appears that those folks at the Forest Agency knew what they were doing. In addition to the physical benefits of exercise, there are a many other positive things that happen when you practise shinrin-yoku. Here are just a few courtesy of Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources:

Top Five Ways Forests Increase Well-Being:

1. Improves Mental Health: Spending time in green spaces with trees reduces your pulse rate, heart rate, blood pressure and the stress hormone, cortisol.
2. Reduces Noise: Trees and shrubs act as buffers and can reduce 50% of the noise heard by humans.
3. Improves Attention: The effect of walking through a park is equal to the peak effect of two typical ADHD medications.
4. Improves Physical Health: Post-surgical patients with window views of nature have shorter hospital stays and take fewer pain medications than patients with windows facing brick walls.
5. Reduces Violence: Trees and natural landscapes in public housing reduce domestic aggression and violence by as much as 25%.

I don't know about you, but I have a renewed sense of awe and wonderment for nature.

According to the UN, the number one cause of disability worldwide is mental health related. While mental disorders are complicated things and I do not recommend any one form of treatment - that is up to you and your health care provider - I think it's fair to say that time spent outdoors in nature is time well spent. And it just might be something that we should all add to our mental health toolkit.

If you are looking for me this weekend, I'll be in the forest, shirin-yoku'ing.

KB xo





 

"Not Just Sad"

I was recently reminded how depression is still largely misunderstood. I was speaking with someone about mental illness and this person began to tell me about a friend who has depression. She said that she told this friend, "Don't be so sad. You have lots of great things in your life to be happy about." I could tell that she cares about her friend and truly felt that she was helping her to place things into perspective. Frankly, this is a horrible thing to say to someone in the grips of depression.

Telling a person with a mental illness to not be 'sad' because they have so many great things to be happy about is exactly the same as telling a person who has cancer to not feel the physical pain because they have "so many great things to be happy about." Exactly the same thing. 

It made my heart hurt knowing that this woman's friend is not being supported in a truly understanding, empathetic way. And I get it - I really do. People just don't understand mental illness. Still. I have been tossing this conversation around in my mind in the few weeks since it happened and I have come to this conclusion: we want to reduce depression down to something simple and palatable - something that we can understand. That is this one small word: sad.

You can be sad and not have depression. But sadness alone is not mental illness. Depression is a much more complex thing. In fact, a person who has depression can have moments of happiness and joy - they are just rare. Depression is overwhelming and all encompassing. The American Psychiatric Association lists the symptoms of depression as:

* Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed

* Changes in appetite - weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting

* Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much

* Loss of energy or increased fatigue

* Increase in purposeless physical activity (hand-wringing or pacing) or slowed movements and speech (actions observed by others)

* Feeling worthless or guilty

* Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions

* Thoughts of suicide or death

* Feeling sad or having a depressed mood

These symptoms can range from mild to severe and must last at least two weeks for a diagnosis of depression. Sadness, you will note, is just one symptom of many.

I have experienced the majority of this list over the course of three major depressive episodes. I also had moments of laughter and happiness - incredibly fleeting but those moments were there. Depression is complicated. If it were simple I am certain that we would have a cure for it by now. Unfortunately, we don't. 

In the meantime, let's all learn more about what has become a health crisis. Depression is the number one cause of disability worldwide. It's not heart disease or breast cancer. It's depression. Let's seek to understand so that we can support each other and ourselves to be mentally healthy and well. Reducing a serious illness to one small component of it keeps people silent when what we really, desperately need is more open discussion.

It's OK to feel sad. It's OK to have depression (no, you are NOT weak). It's not OK to minimize the very real physical and emotional pain that people experience.

KB xo

P.S. To learn more watch one of these TED Talks about mental illness or choose a book from this list.