Tuesday 5 February 2019

"Eating Disorders: What Are We Truly Hungry For?"

❤️❤️ c 
 
For two years in my 30's I had an eating disorder: bulimia. It took me ten years to admit that to anyone, even my doctor. I felt so much shame. So. Much. Shame.

I had a job that was high pressure, in an industry that I hated, working for people whose values conflicted with what I believed in. I was in a deep depression, had horrible anxiety and every night after work I would bring home take out, binge eat and then immediately throw up. 

I wasn’t hungry for food. I was hungry for comfort. I wanted to relieve the extreme discomfort in my life, a life that I didn’t feel that I had much control over at that moment in time. So, I ate. And, I felt better immediately. Momentarily.

But half an hour later, a few hours later, the next day? The guilt and shame were overwhelming.

I finally quit that job - walked away without another job to go to. Eventually my mental health improved, and the bulimia ended.

This week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week in Canada. Eating disorders don’t just affect women or teenage girls. Eating disorders cross socio-economic boundaries, gender, cultural background and sexual orientation.

Here are some statistics about eating disorders in Canada:

  • Four percent of boys in grades nine and ten reported anabolic steroid use in a 2002 study, showing that body preoccupation and attempts to alter one’s body are issues affecting both men and women.
    Boyce, W. F. (2004). Young people in Canada: their health and well-being. Ottawa, Ontario: Health Canada.
  • Anorexia Nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness – it is estimated that 10% of individuals with AN will die within 10 years of the onset of the disorder.
    Sullivan, P. (2002). Course and outcome of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. In Fairburn, C. G. & Brownell, K. D. (Eds.). Eating Disorders and Obesity (pp. 226-232). New York, New York: Guilford.
  • Adolescent girls who diet are at 324% greater risk for obesity than those who do not diet.
    (Stice et al., 1999).

Today I still have a complicated relationship with food. And I still feel some shame. But I also understand that an eating disorder is a mental disorder – an illness. I am trying to focus on healthy habits and making positive choices that will have a lasting impact on my mental and physical wellbeing. It’s not easy – I follow the adage of “one day at a time.”

I share this story - and my other experiences with mental illness - so that the other person (maybe you) feels just a little less alone. And it also helps me to chip away at the shame and embrace the fact that the hard times have shaped who I am today.

By shifting the narrative around eating disorders – around all mental disorders, really – we can create a healthier, more understanding and empathetic world. And that’s what I truly hunger for.

KB xo


"Eating Disorders: What Are We Truly Hungry For?"

    For two years in my 30's I had an eating disorder: bulimia. It took me ten years to admit that to anyone, even my doctor. I f...