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Showing posts from October, 2013

"Grace & Luck"


"There but for the grace of God go I." I recite this to myself often as I consider how lucky I am, through circumstance or chance or maybe even due to a higher power or purpose. Then again it could just be pure, dumb luck that I was born into a loving, supportive family. Luck that I was given everything that I need to live a life of comfort. Not everyone is so lucky.

Is it strange that I should be writing about luck? After 20 plus years battling depression and anxiety, I feel lucky? OK, maybe I am not super pleased that I have had to walk this path. But I am incredibly grateful that I have the means with which to equip myself for the battle: family support; access to a team of health care providers which has included, at various times, a psychiatrist and psychologists; a generous employer provided benefits package (expensive meds that are at no cost to me); and a roof over my head & food in my cupboards. There is no doubt about it - treating mental illness comes at a cost…

"Down the Rabbit Hole"

It's been awhile since I last wrote. Where have I been? Back down the rabbit hole. That damn rabbit hole leads to a dark place. A place that I have become well acquainted with over the years. A place that I hate visiting. When I stopped falling I seemed to land with a thud. And, quite frankly, I was scared. I had tried to go back to work but after two weeks it was simply impossible for me to continue. I couldn't function and the anxiety was, once again, overwhelming. I felt devastated, like I was a failure. I wanted to be at work, living a normal life - not merely existing. It has taken me a few weeks to regain some equilibrium. I feel like I can breathe again and I don't feel like I am walking through wet cement all the time anymore. Am I well yet? No but I made the choice that I always make. I chose to keep moving forward, even if that means that right now it's just small steps. At least it's forward motion. This post is a step in that direction. Not as long as…