"Lean on Me"

"Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on"
Lean on Me ~ Bill Withers 

We all need someone at times in this life. We can't walk alone. You can try but sometimes a friend can make all the difference. Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone in your fight, whatever fight that might be, is all the comfort and strength that you need.

I have found a lot of comfort in sharing my story. It's allowed me to connect with others who have also experienced depression and mental illness. And that's really comforting, especially when you feel so very alone.

One of my new friends is Sara, a true kindred spirit. I "met" Sara on Twitter where I discovered her wonderful blog, Saratonin. She is a community correspondent with Partners for Mental Health and, guess what, so am I as of today! Because I think it's so important that we stand together in raising our voices, I have asked her to share a small piece of her story with you here.



Hi everyone!

I'm Sara and I blog over at Saratonin.

Thank you to Kristin for asking me to guest post over here today! I love Kristin's blog and think she's doing some pretty awesome stuff here.

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what it is I should write about here. I have just finished writing two other guest posts for other awesome mental health blogs and I feel like if I write my mental health story one more time, it's going to be so stale.

So instead I've decided to go another route.

Yes, I struggle with mental illness. Depression to be exact.

While I could sit here and write out my mental health story once again, I'm going to tell you about my decision to be OPEN about my mental illness - but if you want to read more about my history with mental illness, you can do that here.

If you've read my story, you'd know that I had a breakdown in March 2012.

At that point in time, I really didn't expect to survive through the summer. I knew that I needed to do something drastic and quickly; there was a part of me, deep down, that wanted to survive. If not for me, for family and friends.

I started treatment (medication and therapy) right away and was put on short-term disability leave.

As I sat at home day in and out, I couldn't shake this feeling that I could be doing more.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the classmate of mine who had committed suicide in 2009. I kept thinking how lucky I was to have felt ready to get the help I needed. For whatever reason, that friend didn't feel like he could get the help - or maybe he didn't think he deserved it…whatever the reason, he didn't get it.

I'm sure there are lots of people out there. People who are afraid to seek help because they are afraid of being judged, afraid of losing their job, afraid of losing their friends, etc. I used to be one of them. Maybe you're one of them.

I started wishing I would have made more of an effort to be his friend because maybe he could have confided in me that night - or what have you. I know I can't assume all that responsibility, but it definitely bothered me.

Then it hit me.

Maybe by sharing my story, someone suffering depression might realize that just because they are depressed doesn't mean there is something wrong with them, and more importantly - to show them that recovery was possible.

I was 24 years old and had a full-time career job and suffering from depression. For the most part, I'm "normal."

And so, Saratonin was born.

I remember telling my best friend that if I could inspire ONE person to start talking about their mental illness, or to seek help, then I would be happy.

Within five hours of launching the site, I received my first email thanking me for sharing my story and it inspired them to be open about their anxiety disorder with family and friends who didn't even know.

Since that day, I have received hundreds of emails. Varying from people telling me about how they can relate to what I recently blogged about, telling me I have inspired them to seek help, or what have you.

Besides potentially saving lives, I think that by sharing our mental health stories, we can also affect change in how our government (in Canada at least) funds and handles the issue of mental health.

I know for me personally, the poor mental health systems here in New Brunswick are a big part of my mental health story. Waiting lists, costs, etc.

My mental illness doesn't define who I am. It's merely a part of my story. And I'm going to share my story with anyone who will listen :)

Thanks for listening!

xo Sara

Thanks for sharing your voice, Sara!

KB xo

P.S. For more information about Partners for Mental Health you can follow them on Twitter: @PartnersforMH or www.partnersformh.ca

"Lay Your Hands On Me"

"To touch can be to give life." ~ Michaelangelo

 

"Lay Your Hands on Me." ~ Jon Bon Jovi

 

Depression is all in your head.

 

Um, no. It really isn't. The physical impact of depression is huge and can be just as debilitating in some ways as the psychological symptoms that you fight while in a battle against depression.  Yes, the illness in your head can also hurt you from the neck down.

 

"For a substantial number of people, possibly up to half of depression sufferers, bodily pain is the way that depression presents itself." - Psychologytoday.com

 

When I was in my mid twenties I was new to depression. I knew what the black moods meant but a lot of the other ways that depression can present itself, disguise itself, rather (because it is very sneaky!), were still unknown to me. I clearly remember getting ready for work one morning. I lifted my arms to blow dry my hair when something tiny snapped in my back. This tiny snap left me unable to move without great pain for a week. Lifting a tea cup was almost unbearable. It wasn't until afterwards when consulting with my doctor that we put all the pieces together. Muscle aches and joint pain are a common symptom of depression.

 

It's just as important to recognize the physical signs of depression as it is to recognize the psychological symptoms. So here is a list:

- Headaches

- Muscle aches/joint pain

- Chest pain/palpitations

- Breathlessness (anxiety related)

- Digestive problems

- Insomnia/hypersomnia

- Dizziness

- Flu-like symptoms

- Weight loss/gain

- Changes in speech patterns

 

When I read through this list recently it was a wake up call for me. I suffered five days of migraines a week ago along with severe back & shoulder pain. No, I am not in a depressed state currently but I also don't want to be. So, time to start focusing more on my physical well being and reducing stress. I can't eliminate stress from my life but I can mitigate it.

 

OK, so what's the plan? Well, just like my road to mental wellness was one day at a time, so too will be my road to physical well being. Thursday I stocked up on organic strawberries, veggies & chicken. On Friday I made a date to meet with an old friend who is a personal trainer. Saturday I spent a sunny afternoon enjoying the company of a very positive group of people. Sunday, today, I went for a massage with a registered massage therapist.

 

Bliss. That is the word to describe my massage. The RMT thoroughly consulted with me before she even touched me and I have never experienced that. It was refreshing to have someone really listen to me about my aches and pains and to suggest easy ways to manage stress. Lucky me, registered massage therapy is actually covered by my benefits provider at work. Why haven't I taken advantage of this before? Why? Because I haven't made my physical well being a priority. That all changes now.

 

Not only is massage a great tool to relieve and prevent physical pain, it has psychologically healing benefits, too. In an article written by Dalcher Keltner Ph.D., Keltner writes, "Proper uses of touch truly have the potential to transform the practice of medicine—and they’re cost effective to boot. For example, studies show that touching patients with Alzheimer’s disease can have huge effects on getting them to relax, make emotional connections with others, and reduce their symptoms of depression."

 

You don't have to tell me twice. Appointment number two has already been booked with my new favourite registered massage therapist, Marianna! But what if you don't have this benefit? Massage therapy isn't cheap. How about a hug? No, I'm not kidding. The power of touch is really that important. For more information about the science of touch, please read Keltner's article on The Daily Good - I have attached the link below:

 

http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?sid=9

 

So tell me, how do you manage or relieve the physical manifestations of stress? I want to know if you have experienced the physical pain of depression - what did it feel like and how did you alleviate it? I want your tips and tricks, people!

 

Here's to wellness, in all shapes and forms!

 

KB xo

 



 

 

 



"Survival 101"

I could take all my meds at once. I could step off the curb in front of a car. Or, I could just veer into oncoming traffic on the highway. And it would all be over. Done. Gone.

Yes, I thought all of these things on more than one occasion. I have never admitted this in so many words to anyone, not to my family, my best friend, and not to my health care providers. While in the deepest, darkest weeks of my depression I just wanted some peace.

Instinctively, I am quite sure, my parents knew this. And I knew that I should not, could not, be alone. So, one day, my parents drove to my apartment, packed me up, and took me to their home for what turned out to be a few months.

Today is the 10th Annual World Suicide Awareness Day. Did you know that? Did you know that there have been nine World Suicide Awareness Days before this one? No, neither did I. There is still a lot of work to do to raise awareness and eliminate stigma, obviously. Here are a few facts from Statistics Canada:

- In 2009 100,000 years of potential life were lost to Canadians under the age of 75.
- 3, 890 lives were lost as a result of suicide in 2009; however, this reflects only a small percentage of suicide attempts. For every completed suicide there are 20 attempts.
- Mental illness is the #1 factor in 90% of suicides.
- Canadian men are more likely to die as a result of suicide but women are three to four times more likely to attempt it.

One of the biggest misconceptions about suicide is that people who commit suicide are selfish and just want to die. Wrong. They want relief from what feels like never ending horror. No, I didn't actually want to die. I simply wanted the extreme pain to end, to leave me for good. I craved relief.

So what stopped me from being a statistic? It was a combination of things: the support and love of my family and dear friends and the faith that I was strong enough to weather the storm. I was one of the lucky ones. When I read my journals from that chapter in my life and I reflect on how far I have come, I am so thankful. I was at the edge but I took a step back. That step turned out to actually be a step forward, toward healing and a stronger me.

I bet you have a first aid kit at home. It probably has some band aids, maybe some aspirin, and a few other things for when you hurt yourself. How about a tool kit? It likely contains a few tools for when you need to fix something around home. But what about a mental health kit? It's time to stop ignoring your mental wellness. Here are some of my favourite items from my tool kit:

Science: Arming yourself with knowledge is one of the best things that you can do for your mental health. Yes, I have years of experience with depression so I learnt a lot through the school of hard knocks. But understanding the science of my illness has helped me understand why I have been ill and it has helped me learn how to manage it better.

My three favourite books about depression and wellness are:
- Change Your Brain Change Your Life by Daniel G. Amen M.D.
- Well Being. The Five Essential Elements by Tom Rath and Jim Harter
- Your Depression Map by Randy J. Paterson Ph.D.

Shared Experience: Possibly the thing that has provided me with the greatest comfort over the years is the understanding that I am not alone. I have read many autobiographies by people who have walked a similar path. People who suffer from depression often feel very alone. While in a depressive episode I would look at the world around me and think that everyone must be happy and I was the only one alone and in pain. I now know that is never the case and sharing your experience with others can bring comfort, especially when they say, "me too" (which often happens).

Some great books that I have read on the subject are:
- Changing My Mind by Margaret Trudeau
- Darkness Visible by William Styron
- Out of the Blue by Jan Wong

A Comforting Environment: This is huge for me. When I say environment I mean pretty much everything that I surround myself with. My friends are positive people who feed my soul - there is no more room for people who are going to steal my energy and leave me feeling depleted.

My home is decorated in soothing greens and blues and I always have music in the background. Most often it is spa music but I also pay attention to my mood. If my energy is low I might need to break out some Spice Girls, who never fail to make me smile and get me going! Or I might need some classic Eagles or Rod Stewart who always remind me of happy times with my mom. Listen to your moods and medicate with music accordingly!

I also use scents to positively impact my moods. Coconut candles remind me of vacationing by the ocean and listening to the waves lap against the beach. Lavender calms me and I often use a lavendar face & body spray at night before bed. Here are some of my favourites:

- Unwind Rejuvenating Body Mist by Arbonne
- Saje Natural Wellness essentail oils (diffuser blends): Liquid Sunshine and Gratitude and Peppermint Halo for headaches
- Bath and Bodyworks has a huge selection of scents for your home and body

Social Media: Twitter has been a really great source of comfort to me. I have found wonderful resources and like minded souls. I know that many people are unsure about social media, even a bit scared of it. But, like anything in life, it's what you make. Through Twitter I found Partners For Mental Health and Sara Goguen's blog where she writess about her experiences with mental illness: www.saratonin.co

Suicide is 100% preventable. But until we break down the walls of stigma surrounding mental illness, we will never win the war. Please join me in my fight. You can help by questioning your own beliefs, extending kindness and understanding to those who suffer, asking for help if you are the one who needs it, and by sharing this blog.

I have shared my story, tips, and tricks but I would like to hear yours. So, let's start a dialogue - talk to me...

KB xo

"I Was Here"

"I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, and something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget"

 

These are the opening lines of one of my favourite songs, a song that moves me and touches me and inspires me deeply: "I Was Here" by Beyonce.

 

I am someone who has questioned my life a few times. I have wondered if I was in the right relationship and if I was on the right career path. I have questioned my choices and what's important to me. And, on a few occasions, while in the stranglehold of depression, I questioned if life was truly worth living. Was there any point to it? Any point at all? The answer, thankfully, always turned out to be yes, it is worth living. Figuring out the point of life, of my life, was a bit trickier, however.

 

Faith is an important element in my life. Some people believe in God or Buddha. I believe in a higher power. But I am not necessarily speaking about religion. My faith is that there is something bigger than me and that there is a purpose to my life. That is a conscious choice I made because I knew that for me to be able to claw my way back up through the pit of depression, I had to have something to hold onto. I had to have faith.

 

So what is my purpose? How did I discover it? And what to do with that knowledge?

 

I believe that my purpose, the purpose of each of us, is to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. I do not mean perfection, by the way, which is an unrealistic and unworthy goal anyway! Our purpose is to learn and grow from our experiences, to touch others in a positive way, and leave the world in a better place simply because we lived. It's hard and simple and challenging and, in the end, worth it, I believe.

 

A consistent thought that I had through each of my depressive episodes was "why me" - why did I have to go through this hell? But why not me? One in five Canadians suffer from mental illness. I am not that special. I began to think about that, to figure out how to be a survivor. As I slowly accepted that I had to have some faith in life and purpose, it provided a little comfort to me that I had some choice - I could choose to accept these experiences, although painful and awful, as opportunities for growth. And a big opportunity to help others through their own dark times.

 

One of the biggest, most positive things for that has come out of my experiences with mental illness is my strong desire to be an advocate. I feel that I have found my voice, my niche. That makes me feel like my struggles haven't been all for nought.

 

As I sought out resources to support me on my road to recovery I came across Partners For Mental Health, a non profit organization in Canada dedicated to igniting social change and eliminiating stigma. Something about this organization in particular seemed to speak to me and I am really excited to say that I am considering some volunteer opportunities to work with this great group. I'll keep you posted!

 

Although I am currently well and not in a depressive state, I have had a challenging few weeks. I have again questioned my life path and wonder if I need to sweep one path for easier walking (a little maintenance!) or maybe strike a new path altogether, in a new direction. But one thing that I have not questioned is my purpose in this world. The compass for me in helping make my decisions is my sense of faith in that purpose.

 

When my time comes to leave this earth, which I hope will be when I am 102 after having lived a life with no regrets, only growth, I will have left my footprints on the sands of time. I promise myself that. Will you? I truly hope so - you have a purpose, too.

 

Please watch this video of Beyonce performing "I Was Here" at the United Nations Humanitarian Day on August 19, 2012. I hope this inspires you as much as it does me.

 

http://globalgrind.com/entertainment/beyonce-i-was-here-new-humanitarian-day-video

KB xo

P.S. Check out the Partners For Mental Health website:

http://www.partnersformh.ca/

P.P.S. Just for fun, here's another "anthem" to inspire you: "I'm A Survivor" by Destiny's Child

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NorDwm8wk5s

 

 

"Recovery 101"

"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face...we must do that which we think we cannot." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 

Happy Anniversary to me! It's one year this week that I returned to work after a four month disability leave. Wow - what a difference a year makes. Today I am healthy and strong. My good days far out number the odd dark day, thankfully. I have almost forgotten what it felt like to feel despair. Almost.

 

It's the end of summer and I am naturally feeling the pull to welcome a new season and the opportunities and joy that come with it. It's also a perfect time to reflect on the journey that I have been on, to feel a little pride (OK, a lot of pride!) at what I have overcome.

 

I started this blog as part therapy project for me, part inspiration for those comrades-in-arms also fighting against depression and mental illness, and part educational tool to help others understand. I have written a lot about what it feels like to fight such a dark, deep battle. Now it feels right to take some time to share what I experienced during my road to recovery.

 

 

1. The road to wellness is not a straight line: Once the oppressive veil of depression begins to slowly lift, you don't immediately feel better and that's it. Nope, depression doesn't want to let go of you quite that easily. You may have a day of two when you feel good, maybe even great, but it's not unusual to feel awful again for awhile before you are truly well. The road to recovery is a marathon, not a sprint so take your time and accept that it's a slow process.

 

2. Accept your limitations: When I returned to work late last summer I did it on a gradual basis. I had learnt my lesson from a past experience where I tried to jump back into work and my "life" as if nothing had ever happened. Guess what? It didn't work and I found myself just as ill, if not a bit more, than I had been before.  Thankfully, when I was finally ready to come back to work I had a great manager and a wonderful rehabilitation consultant to remind me to take it one day at a time and, sometimes, one hour at a time. After having been ill for so long it's tempting to want to get back to "normal" as soon as possible but that's unrealistic and you may be setting yourself up for failure. Think about when you haven't exercised in ages and suddenly you jump into a new regime full throttle. There's a risk of injury, isn't there?

 

3. Accept your limitations but don't be afraid to challenge yourself, too: Rejoining the world can be scary and intimidating. The natural inclination for many of us who have suffered from depression is to withdraw. Sometimes you need time alone but many times what you really need is to challenge yourself. A challenge can be as simple as telling yourself that today you will go for a walk, or tomorrow I will meet my friend for coffee. Simple things that are sometimes overwhelming but also important on the path back to wellness.

 

4. Be honest: OK, this one is super hard - I know! But it's important to be honest with yourself, your caregivers, and your confidantes. It was very helpful for me to be able to share how I was feeling while ill but also as I was recovering. I talked with a psychologist about the challenges I was facing (both real and imagined) at work, I had friends and family that I confided in, and, again, my boss was pretty amazing. I know that I am lucky in that I have received much understanding and support. It's been my choice to be as honest and open as I have been but I encourage anyone who is fighting this awful battle to find at least one person who you can be 100% honest with about how you are feeling. It's simply too hard to go it alone.

 

5. You have nothing to prove to anyone (not even yourself): You know all this great advice that I am giving to you? Well, I have ignored a lot of it at times. I have pushed myself too hard, quite simply, and been my own worst enemy. The biggest challenge that I faced this past year has been trying to prove to myself and others how capable, strong, happy, and healthy I am. Who doubted me? Who demanded that I "prove" myself? Not a single person. It was all me. I finally broke down in tears with a friend who reassured me that it was quite alright to be less than perfect on any given day. Good advice.

 

So a year has come and gone. In that year I have laughed far more than I have cried. I have learnt so much about myself - I am far more resilient as a result of this experience than I would be if I hadn't faced such adversity. I am dedicated to living a balanced life and embracing the joy in it when I can. I know all too well what it's like when there is no joy.

 

Summer is coming to a close and I recently went to the Pacific National Exhibition with friends and family. For the first time ever, while on a ride I let go of the handle bar in front of me, raised my hands in the air, and, with a big smile on my face, I let go of the fear. Life is short - buy the ticket and take the ride when you can.

 

KB xo

"Sunshiney Days"

"Come forth into the light of things, let nature be your teacher." ~ William Wordsworth

It's the end of a luscious summer long weekend, the kind when the days are sunny and long and the evenings are breezy and worry free. I hate to say goodbye to it but at least I can do so knowing that I appreciated each moment of it.

I am having a great summer. I have to admit that it's probably the best one that I have had since I was a kid. When I think back to some of my best memories of childhood, many of them took place outside in the summertime. The grass under my bare feet was soft and damp in the summer mornings and in the evenings, when I loved to lay on my back in my front yard with my friends and look up at the stars in the night sky. We talked about silly things and important things and just enjoyed the moment in time before we even knew what that was or how hard it would be to recapture as adults

I remember the apple tree in my grandparent's backyard. My grandpa built a swing from rope and wood and it was so fun to swing in the shade of that tree. I also loved the weeping willow that they had in their front yard. It was old and beautiful and my brother and I used to love to grab onto the thin branches and swing around the tree. Can you remember being small enough to be able to do something like that?! That poor tree. But she was sturdy, tough, and yet delicate and beautiful - and she gave me years of joy. Today when I see a weeping willow I am instantly transported back in time.

Over the years, somehow, I lost my connection to nature. I have always had a great appreciation for the beauty of my city and province, but it's been more at a distance. I have enjoyed many walks on the seawall and through Stanley Park over the years but that real connection, when time slows down, has escaped me. I must have forgotten the importance of it. Sad, really.

Last summer was my worst summer. I was in the depths of depression and it was difficult to see the beauty around me in anything, or enjoy any moments in time. I spent most of that summer with my parents at what I like to call my "country home", away from the jarring sounds of downtown traffic or the hectic pace of business. For the first month or so of summer it did as it often does on the West Coast - it rained. And I craved sunshine. Every morning when I woke up, my most fervent wish was for just a little sunshine. Finally, it happened. The clouds literally parted and the sun began to shine. I started to spend time outside, first just sitting and reading in my parent's backyard and then going for walks. Nature was all around me - from deer and birds, to the flowers growing in my mom's garden, to the horses and cows in nearby farms.

And then it happened again. The clouds parted and the sun began to peak through, slowly and gradually, day by day just a little bit more sunshine. This sunshine was the hope and joy in my life. I had thought that it was gone for good. But no, here it was once again. It hasn't really been gone, just tucked away. Kind of like my childhood memories and love of the outdoors.

So what is it about nature? Was it just a coincidence that I began to feel better the more time that I spent outdoors? It was certainly part of many things that I was doing to become well which included medication and cognitive behavioural therapy. But I do believe that for me it was equal to those other two factors in becoming well once again.

The July 2012 issue of Chatelaine magazine has a great article called Nature Rx written by Laura Bickle. It speaks to the importance that nature plays in wellness. In the article Bickle references the Japanese who do a lot of nature-brain research. In the 1990's researchers sent study participants into Japan's ancient forests and found that a 40 minute walk reaped great rewards: lowered cortisol levels (the stress hormone!), improved sleep, and reduced psychological stress and depression.

Here are some ways that Bickles suggests to reap the benefits of nature:

* Make The Time: A University of Rochester study showed that 20 minutes in a green setting was advantageous to health and vitality.

* Put A Plant On Your Desk: Potted plants are proven to increase productivity and mood and reduce eye strain.
* Hang a Picture (or just picture it): Studies show that an image of a pleasing natural setting can have  emotional benefits. Same goes for just closing your eyes and just thinking about it.

So how about committing to slowing down and staying in the moment? Lay on the grass, feel the earth beneath you, close your eyes, and listen to the sound of the birds. Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. Feel the breeze blow your hair. And when I can't be outside? I am going to close my eyes and think back to my grandparents' weeping willow and the joy it gave me then and now.

KB xo



"Optimisim 101"

"Have fun storming the castle!" ~ Miracle Max in The Princess Bride

Three unlikely heroes, one princess, and all that stood between them was an evil king and his army of brutes. How do you like those odds? Is the glass half full or half empty - or, should I say, what's the water level in the moat?

Last night I did a very cool thing. My niece and our friend and I went to the Fresh Air Cinema in the park and watched The Princess Bride. We spread our blankets on the grass to save our spot and then wandered around the park, visiting the booths of a number of great local organizations. My niece planted a seedling that, along with the hundreds of others planted that evening by other kids, will be replanted in gardens at local elementary schools. We tasted delicious gluten free coconut and chocolate chip cookies and learnt how to make organic fertiliser for the garden. We also chatted with friends that we ran into and even talked with strangers sitting on their blankets next to us. It was a real sense of fun and community.

Oh, but did I mention the cranky, rude people in line for popcorn?

Yes, the line was long. Yes, there was only one small popcorn machine. However, the event itself was free, the popcorn was by donation, and the people working there were amazingly friendly volunteers. And yet people still complained amongst themselves in line, muttering under their breath but still loud enough to be heard.

Guess what, people? You have a choice. We all have choices in life. The biggest and most important choice, in my estimation, is whether your want to be unhappy or happy. Simple as that. But is it really simple?

In my well days, days when the darkness of mental illness isn't overwhelming to me, I am a very optimistic person. I generally see the best in people first and only change my mind if they do something to prove me wrong. I try to cut people some slack in life. I do this for a few reasons. First, I know all too well that often people are fighting their own private battles. It could be depression, my own personal dragon, or it could be something else: addiction, family problems, abuse, health issues. So I like to smile at the cashier in the grocery store or say good morning to someone in the elevator. Life is easier for me that way. My days are more pleasant and it creates a feeling of positivity in me. And that's important to bank for the times that I need to make a withdrawal, the times when the happiness and optimism don't always come so easily.

It's also habit forming. I have many days when, although not officially depressed, I do feel down. On those days it is a struggle for me to remain up. I had a day recently at work when I felt like crying. The feeling lasted about half an hour and then it was gone. It was gone because I recognized the bad feeling and chose to change my mind. I knew that the rest of the day would, to put it simply, suck if I stayed overwhelmed and sad. By telling a friend how I felt, getting a pep talk from her, and realizing that the choice was all mine, I was able to turn it around. The end result is that I had a better day and I was able to contribute to a positive environment at work. The more that I catch myself and change my mind about things, the easier it gets. Although, let's be honest, there is no turning around some days!

I think we forget a lot of the time the impact that we have on those around us. It's something that I am very conscious of as a result of my own battles with mood disorders. It's OK to not feel yourself (one in five Canadians is actually suffering from mental illness). But let's just try as a society to show some understanding, patience, and love to one another.

Come to think of it, even in my toughest days and hardest fought battles against my illness, I must have held onto a shred of optimisim. If it hadn't been there, deep down, maybe I wouldn't be here. Maybe I wouldn't be having fabulous summer evenings with loved ones.

So if you have to storm a castle or fight whatever daily battles you are up against, maybe take Miracle Max's advice and try to have fun. I promise, it makes it easier.


KB xo

P.S. This is dedicated to Emma, "as you wish"