"The Best Medicine"

Did you laugh today? I don't mean a giggle or a chuckle - I mean a big ole belly laugh. The kind where your tummy hurts and your cheeks ache. If it's really good, you'll also have tears of laughter rolling down your cheeks. You may even pee your pants (it's OK - happens to the best of us!). That's when you know it's a top-notch, high quality laugh.

Kids do this all the time. Laugh, laugh, laugh. We are all born experts in joy. But at some point we all slowly start to lose this expertise. We become adults with busy jobs, kids to pick up from school, ageing parents, and our own health issues. In short, things get more serious. We laugh less, worry more.

Laughter is one of my favourite things in life. It's also a barometer of the quality of my life. Have I laughed much lately? Am I taking life entirely too seriously? Yes? Time to reassess things, which I did recently.

When I walked out of my doctor's office five weeks ago it was not with a prescription for an anti-anxiety drug. It was with a to-do list: eliminate caffeine, get regular exercise and spend time with your friends. I took that list seriously. The most fun was definitely #3.

My friendships had suffered a bit in the last few months as my mental health declined. But I knew that I could do something about it. As opportunity would have it, I was invited by a comic friend to watch him perform at Stand Up For Mental Health. I gathered a couple of buddies, we met up for dinner and a catch-up, then hit the show. And did we laugh? Boy, did we ever.

Created by David Granirer, Stand Up For Mental Health is a fabulous opportunity for people who live with mental illness to learn a craft, stretch their boundaries and laugh about some pretty difficult subject matter. Granted, we went there expecting to have fun and laugh. But it was so much more than just that. Belly ache? Check! Cheeks sore? Check! Tears? Check! It all added up to some of nature's very best medicine of all: laughter.

Thank you to Al, David, Debra and Shep for some top-notch laughter. You certainly helped my mental health. It was just what the doctor ordered.

KB xo

P.S. Learn more about Stand Up For Mental Health HERE

"Karmic Catch-Up"

"The past five weeks have been intense, wouldn't you agree? You've been challenged to hold your own while continuing to cope and reach out for more. Recognized or not, it's been a karmic catch-up, crossroads, or fruition time. No matter how this critical reassessment cycle played out, you've made it through and you're still standing."

That is my horoscope for today and boy, it could not be more fitting. The past five weeks have been intense, alright. I have struggled with my mood and anxiety in particular. During this period I have been off work for more than half of it. It has been a painful summer, to say the least. Summertime and the livin' is easy? Not so much.

When you live with a chronic illness such as a mental disorder you always have two choices: let it overwhelm you or let it be an opportunity for growth. Not exactly simple choices. Over the 20 or so years of this personal journey I have often wanted to just give up. But there has always been something deep inside me that has forced me onward. This time has been no different in that sense.

But there has been a notable difference: anxiety. Anxiety has become much more dominant in my struggles and the depression seems to have taken a back seat. With this new challenge, I decided that I needed a new approach. In the past I have focused my efforts mostly on CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and medication. It's a combination, along with other elements such as surrounding myself with positive people, that has proved successful. With this new wrinkle, I knew one thing - no new meds. I believed that I had it in my ability to make some positive change in my health without adding another medication to the mix.

As always, I sought professional advice. And, as always, my doctor and I decided upon a plan of attack together. So what did we come up with? Pretty simple, actually. Frequent, regular exercise, elimination of caffeine, journalling, and some time away from work to regain my centre.

Wait - did I use the word 'simple'? Hmmmm. It's interesting that I view it now as simple because in the past I couldn't seem to make these small changes. They didn't seem simple at all - they seemed really hard. Something about the place that I am in my life and the fact that I didn't want to give up more time to anxiety, made me ready to embrace these changes. The fact of the matter is that I want to be happy and healthy and to live my best life. And I have a choice in that. We all have a choice: let life happen to you or take control of the things that you can.

I like the idea that this challenging time was really an opportunity for a karmic catch-up. By taking hold of the reins and making some adjustments, I am on my way to a stronger future. Yes, I made it through and I am still standing.

KB xo

P.S.  Therapy, unfortunately, can be very expensive if you don't have it covered under a medical or benefits plan. Please visit this page for some great resources: What to do when you can't afford therapy.

NOTE: If you are struggling with depression or anxiety please talk to someone. What works for one person does not always work for the next. Educate yourself and find a treatment plan that works for YOU.

"Allies Show Their Colours"

When you go through a difficult time you learn a lot. You learn about yourself and you certainly learn about others. Sometimes the people who you think will be there for you when the going gets tough, aren't.

I have learned a few things in this life, through my own ups and downs. One of the most important lessons is the importance of cultivating good, strong, healthy relationships in life. Cultivating means giving just as much as I receive; sometimes more. That's not always easy for people and maybe not so easy for me at different points in my life. Being a good friend is something that I have worked hard at. Although far from perfect, I think it's safe to say that I try my hardest.

I am inspired to write this post in honour of those who have chosen the not always easy path of being an ally. I know that it has been difficult for those closest to me to know what to do or how to best support me in my darkest moments. For those who didn't give up, I am forever appreciative and full of love.

It's Pride week here in Vancouver and I can't help but think about the LGBTQ+ community in particular and the challenges that they face. I have heard horror stories over the years and there are many. Family members who turn their back on a (former) loved one who has come out of the closet and shared their truth. Physical attacks from strangers. Political persecution in countries such as Syria. And let's not forget the common, garden-variety subtle discrimination that still happens often here at home. It's not right. None of this is right.

If you still live in the dark ages and think that being a member of the LGBTQ+ community is a choice, please give your head a shake. These people are born as they are just as I was born a heterosexual female. Those who still avow that this is immoral, perverted behaviour I have this to say: you are part of the problem and not part of the solution. The solution? Love, empathy, understanding, and compassion. In the words of my friend Thomas, "It's that simple." The negative effects among this community of a society that holds archaic beliefs are devastating. The Canadian Mental Health Association reports the following:

*  Higher rates of depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive and phobic disorders, suicidality (14 times the risk of heterosexual people), self-harm and substance abuse.
* Double the risk of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than heterosexual people.
* 77% of transgender residents in an Ontario-based survey had seriously considered suicide and 45% had attempted suicide.

Promoting Positive Mental Health and Wellbeing

Here's where being an ally comes in. By showing your support in simple ways, YOU can make all the difference in the life of another human being. Some of the key factors for positive mental health and general wellbeing for LGBTQ+ individuals are:

* Support from family and friends
* Supportive workplaces and neighbourhoods
* Reduced levels of internalized homophobia (homophobia adopted by the LGBTQ+ person, similar to self stigma felt by those with mental illness), which can be fostered and supported through identification or community building with other LGBTQ+ individuals
* Experiencing positive responses to coming out
* Addressing the social detriments to coming out

So, you have a choice to make. Will you take the high road and be a supportive, empathetic, caring ally and make a difference in a person's life? I can tell you that the view is much nicer on that path. Come on - show your true colours. It's that simple, right Thomas?

KB xo

P.S. lovingly dedicated to my LGBTQ+ family and friends

Want to learn more so that you can be an amazing ally? Please visit these resources:
Qmunity - BC's Queer Resource Centre
Pride at Work Canada
Rainbow Refugee
Partners for Mental Health

"Opposite Day"

I don't hate summer; I just don't really love it. What?! Summer?! Surely I must mean winter, right? Nope. I mean summer. It's not my favourite season. In fact, it's a really difficult time for me.

You have likely heard of seasonal affective disorder, commonly referred to as SAD. Did you know that for about 10% of people impacted by SAD, they experience it in the summer months? Lucky me, I am among that 10%. It's like opposite day for me when the rest of the world seems to be embracing the heat, having fun at the lake or getting together with friends for backyard BBQs. Sure, I enjoy some of that but mostly I am uncomfortable - mentally and physically. And that's a really hard thing to admit, especially when it seems to go against what you think the rest of the world feels. Just look at facebook where everyone is just having The. Best. Time. Oh, the pressure.

For someone who is pretty in tune with her moods and triggers after all these years, I was surprised when a friend pointed something out to me recently: in the five years that she has known me my mood has taken a hit starting each spring. Wow. How did I not see that?! And yes, it's true. Each of the depressive episodes that I have experienced have started in the spring. In fact, as I write this I am struggling once again with the ups and downs of mild to moderate depression.

So what is reverse seasonal affective disorder all about anyway? According to an online article in Psychology Today,  "While winter SAD is linked to a lack of sunlight, it is thought that summer SAD is due to the reverse - possibly too much sunlight, which also leads to modulations in melatonin production. Another theory is that people might stay up later in summer, throwing their sensitive circadian rhythms for a loop."

Bingo.  My circadian rhythms are way off. I can't get to sleep even when I am really tired. When I do sleep it is fitful. I don't wake up refreshed but exhausted. Sleep is the centre of everything for me. It impacts my mood and attitude, how I eat and what I eat, and if I have the energy to exercise or not. When I don't have enough of it, it takes control and dictates my choices. In short, it goes hand in hand with my old friend, depression.

Oh, and did I mention that my city is having a heat wave with record breaking temperatures? Extreme temperatures can increase the amount of headaches and migraines that a person experiences and it can also impact depression and mood.

All of this adds up to a perfect storm for my mental health. Swell.

If you know me at all, you will know this one thing: I don't give up. Not when it comes to my mental health or anything that I care strongly about. So how am I battling this latest challenge? I am taking each day as it comes. Each day is a new opportunity to try again - to eat well, connect with people, practice mindfulness, go for a walk, and (hopefully!) get a good night's sleep. I refuse to focus on the negative for too long. Even in my down moments I still recognize that the sun is shining - literally and figuratively!

All we have in this life are two things: this moment and the ability to change our attitude. Make your life what YOU want it to be. If that means spending a sweltering summer evening in an air-conditioned movie theatre giggling with a friend at a funny movie then do that (Thanks, D!). Write your own script. Embrace your own opposite day.

KB xo

For more information about the connection between headaches and temperature click here

"Old Ways New Doors"

Standard police checks will no longer include mental health records or acquittals under new Ontario law. Wow. This is a significant step in the right direction. Good for you, Ontario! But wait. Did you even realize that this was standard practice in Ontario and continues in other Canadian provinces? Or, maybe you wonder why this even matters. It might matter if you are applying for a job.

The information that is supplied to potential employers as part of a criminal records check is used to influence a hiring decision for some organizations. Much of that information is important and relevant to certain jobs and industries. But mental health information should not be included and revealed to potential employers. As both a mental health advocate and a human resources professional, I have long believed that this is a violation of privacy. It also speaks to so many flaws in the way we view, react to, and treat those with mental illness.

Police should not have to act as first responders to a person in the midst of a mental health crisis. Unfortunately, this is commonly the case. In a Globe and Mail article published last fall in follow up to Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson and former Police Chief Jim Chiu's call to action the year before, the following details about police calls were provided:

"Of all reported incidents that police responded to, 21 percent involved a person with a mental illness - and the department feels the true figure is probably closer to 30 percent, Constable Montague said. But even at 21 percent, you're looking at tens of thousands of calls a year - like 300,000 calls a year, 75 calls a day, every day. It's a huge issue, there's no doubt about it."

So let's say that you were once one of those people in crisis, medical crisis to be clear. Fast forward to healthier days and you are being considered for employment. It might be your dream job or it might not. But I'll tell you what employment is for a person who has struggled with mental illness and disability: it provides a sense of purpose, a paycheque to pay for a home and food, and it is connection to community. A job is never really just a job.

Mental illness is considered a disability and under the Canadian Human Rights Code disability is a protected ground. As such, it is illegal for an employer to refuse employment to a candidate because that person has had, or currently has, a mental illness. Throw irrelevant information into the mix by way of a criminal records check and an employer who may not understand the legalities and implications of declining employment, and you have a problem. No, not a problem - more like a human rights violation.

All provinces and territories in Canada who still include mental health records in a criminal records check need to follow Ontario's lead and make these changes. Let's stop treating those of us with a mental illness as second class citizens. Time to open some new doors, don't you think?

KB xo

P.S. To read the Globe and Mail article about the policy change in Ontario click on this link.

"Hands Together"

I have surprised many people over the years when I say that I have depression and anxiety. The response that often follows is this: but you seem so happy and outgoing - I can't believe it! The reality is that depression and anxiety are complicated illnesses with many layers. The assumptions that we make about mental disorders are largely untrue. Yes, there are moments when I am in a depressive state and I may laugh and seem alive and in high spirits. Sometimes I am, for a moment. Sometimes I am fabulous at deception. And sometimes I just don't have the strength or desire to pretend.

If you ask me why I became an advocate for mental health awareness and many other social issues, the long answer would have to do with who I am at my core - I am empathetic with a strong sense of responsibility when it comes to this world that we live in and the people who inhabit it. It's not enough for me to just go through the motions in life. The short answer is that I wanted to make sense out of my own experiences. And so I began a journey.

My journey towards formal advocacy led me to Partners for Mental Health (PFMH) a not for profit organization based in Ottawa. There are many fabulous mental health organizations out there and they all need volunteers - I had my work cut out for me when deciding which one I wanted to work with. What greatly appealed to me at PFMH is the fact that they are a small organization focused largely on awareness and understanding of mental health issues in Canada and at the time that I joined back in 2012, they were in their infancy. After speaking with them, I felt like it was a good fit for me. I could help them to create impact and develop some of my own advocacy skills. That's all true but here's what I hadn't bargained on: the profound sense of belonging that I gained.

There are many studies that show the benefits of volunteering and I am here to tell you that the benefits are real. Not only do I have a sense of purpose, that I am doing something valuable, but I also have been welcomed as part of an amazing community. I often refer to my colleagues as my PFMH family - some of them I have met in person but most of us, spread across the country, have never met except online. And yet, the friendships that I have developed are real, lasting, and of great comfort to me.

A classic hallmark of depression is a feeling of isolation - that you are all alone in this big, scary world. At least, that's how it feels when you are in the tight grasp of the illness. Having a community that I can reach out to, who understand how I feel when I am ill, and who equally understand the sense of passion that I have for advocacy is an amazing comfort. 

My PFMH family is always there when I need them and I think they feel the same about me. There is a silent agreement that we come together when we need to: if one of us is unwell or if there is a particular campaign or topic that we need to raise our voices together on, we rally the troops. When one of us reaches out a hand, there is always someone there to grab hold. I am not alone. I am never alone. Neither are you.

KB xo

"Let's Get Loud!"

Why am I still talking about mental illness? Haven't I said all that I can say on the topic? You might be asking that question. After all, it's been a few years since I started this blog. Yes, I have asked myself once or twice if I should keep going or maybe close up my laptop and sign off. Maybe it's time to just stop. Then I see a report like the one that I watched last night.

Pop Quiz Time:
Question #1: If you are suffering from a mental illness and you go to a Canadian hospital, will you receive the care that you need?
Question #2: If you are admitted to a Canadian hospital because you are deemed at risk for death by suicide, will you be safe?
Question #3: If you are on suicide watch in a Canadian hospital, will you be watched?
The answer to these questions is, sadly and shockingly, not always.

Remember a few years back when Michael Moore made the documentary about the state of healthcare in the United States? Canada was held up as a shining example of a top-notch system. While I don't disagree that we are very lucky and, in most cases, it truly is excellent, I have to say that it's time we took a close look at all aspects of health and our medical system. Do we treat all illnesses with the same level of attention and due diligence? Nope - not even close when it comes to mental illness.

The Canadian investigative news program, W5, broadcast a story called Suicide Watch. In the report, they told the story of Ross Allan, a young man from British Columbia diagnosed with schizophrenia who killed himself by hanging in a hospital washroom. I admit that I didn't watch longer than ten minutes. I simply couldn't. Yes, I was saddened. Was it a trigger for me in terms of my own mental illness? No. A trigger for anger? You bet it was.

How is it that a person in a Canadian hospital, who is on suicide watch, is left alone to his own devices and is able to find what he needs (time alone, tools) to take his life? When someone is admitted to hospital with a life threatening illness or injury we don't say to that person, we are just going to put you in a corner of this busy emergency room for now and we'll get back to you in a few hours. Oh, and we are probably not going to check on you either. This is what happened to Ross Allan. Not OK. Not OK by a long shot.

As part of the investigation, W5 reported: "...W5 was able to extrapolate data to produce a national picture of inpatient suicides. It is believed that there have been approximately 300 deaths over ten years involving suicidal patients who were supposed to be son strict watch."

Here's another question. Are YOU OK with the loss of 300 lives? Is it alright that a developed, first world country treats its people who have a mental illness like second class citizens ? It sure as hell isn't OK with me and I am banking on it not being OK with YOU.

How can you help? Get loud! It's Canadian Mental Health Awareness Week. Educate yourself, challenge bias and stigma, and create conversation about this serious health issue. Do it for Ross Allen and the other 298 lost citizens. Do it for me. And keep the conversation going.

KB xo

P.S. Learn more about Canadian Mental Health Awareness Week
P.P.S. Want to volunteer with a fabulous not for profit organization? Check out Partners For Mental Health