"Your Brain on Food"

You are what you eat. You know that saying. Your are only as healthy as what you put into your body. We often equate the strong and virtuous of us with the ones making 'healthy choices'. The athletic-looking person in their workout gear drinking a smoothie. Or the mom in the grocery store only buying organic produce and natural foods for her children. We admire this.

Conversely, we see an overweight person with a grocery cart full of processed foods and we judge. We do. I would wager that almost all of us do. Society has a bias about health. Many biases, in fact.

Today is the first day of the Welfare Food Challenge here in Metro Vancouver. I have signed up to live on an $18 food budget for the week of October 16th to the 22nd. As part of this challenge participants cannot accept charity, free food or eat food that is already in their fridge or cupboards. Why $18 and why did I choose to participate? People who live in poverty in British Columbia and receive welfare subsist on a weekly food budget of $18 per person. B.C. is the only province without a poverty reduction plan. We are also the province with the most wealth inequity in Canada; Vancouver is home to the poorest and the richest neighborhoods our country.

The subject of poverty and welfare is a touchy one. Many believe that people on welfare are lazy and should just get a job. Others believe that people on welfare are taking advantage of the system. I am sure that sometimes this is the case. The face of poverty, however, is not what we think it is. Poverty impacts those already most marginalized in our communities: Aboriginal people, people with disabilities and mental health disorders, new immigrants/refugees, and single moms (who are employed) and their children. Yes, it's true - you do not have to be unemployed to live in poverty. It's a tragedy that in a developed nation in 2016 that this is the reality for so many.

This all makes me sad and angry. So I signed up to participate in the challenge. If you want to see change then you need to participate in that change. I spent two weeks considering my grocery list and scouting out spots where I could get the best deals (Dollar Tree and Superstore, for the record). I began my shopping. And I talked about it. I talked about it a lot - with fellow challenge participants, with colleagues, family and on social media. Here's the photo that I took of the food that I had purchased as of the middle of last week, with $5 left in my budget.

The photo is in black and white for a reason: the diet lacks colour. What it has in abundance are carbohydrates, sodium (!) and refined sugar. When I had to decide between eating healthy for a week (whole foods) and feeling full, I chose feeling full. But this photo caused me to pause. It also raised a red flag for some people close to me. 

Two people asked me, based on my continuing challenges with depression and anxiety, if it is wise for me to be participating in this challenge. Um, good point. I was getting caught up in advocating for an incredibly important topic and forgetting about my daily commitment (and battle) to maintain my own mental and physical health. According to the Harvard Health Publications, "Multiple studies have found a correlation between a diet high in refined sugars and impaired brain function - and even worsening symptoms of mood disorders, such as depression." I already know this. I also know that I need to put the brakes on. So no Welfare Food Challenge for me this year.

There are no winners when it comes to poverty and food insecurity. The fact that poverty affects those already most challenged in society makes it that much worse. I don't actually need to eat poorly for a week to understand the impact that it has on one's body and mind - I, and the rest of society, just need to be more aware that many of us are walking a challenging path. What I have learned in the past few weeks as I prepared for the challenge is to be more aware of my own privilege and to be less judgemental about those around me. Maybe that person who is buying the processed food at the grocery story is doing so because that is what they can afford. Maybe they are simply doing the best that they can with what they have.

As you enjoy your Sunday brunch out today or even a simple cup of coffee (a luxury to many) consider this: how the food that you put in your body can impact your overall health and well being. Then, consider what food security and poverty mean to the health and well being of our communities overall. Is a healthy body and mind a privilege for only a few?

KB xo

Learn more about nutrition and mental health:

Royal College of Psychiatrists: Eating Well and Mental Health
Dietitians of Canada: The Role of Nutrition in Mental Health Promotion and Prevention
The Globe and Mail: Can Your Diet Shape Your Mental Health??

"Jagged Little Pill"

How are you? How many times a day or over the course of a week are you asked this? We say that sentence so often without really meaning it. When was the last time that you asked that question and actually waited to hear the answer? If you heard the answer, were you really listening? It's a simple question with a not so simple answer at times.

October 2nd to 8th is Mental Illness Awareness Week in Canada. 'Illness', rather than 'health' - there is a subtle difference. Mental Illness Week is an opportunity to speak about the realities of mental illness rather than just overall mental health (which we all have, by the way, just like physical health). And the reality is that mental illness is still so misunderstood, which is why so many of us shy away from talking about it or reaching out for help or treatment if we think we might be ill.

A mood disorder can have a large impact on one's life. Depression, for example, can impact everything from your physical health (chronic headaches and back pain are not uncommon) to your cognitive abilities (difficultly concentrating), in addition to an overall depressed mood. It can be all encompassing for the individual. 

One of the more controversial subjects related to mood disorders is the subject of treatment. There are very real barriers to treatment and recovery. A big one is stigma. When society continues to downplay the importance and validity of mental illness in comparison to physical illness, it helps no one. Stigma is incredibly damaging. Stigma discriminates. Stigma kills. It's real and it's serious.

Admitting to yourself that you are not well and that you might need help can be a very steep hill to climb when you think that you won't be supported or believed. Receiving a diagnosis of depression can be a hard pill to swallow. Now imagine that you choose a course of treatment and, again, the world tells you that you are wrong. Which brings me to medication.

To medicate or to not medicate. That is the question. And it's a big question for so many of us who experience a mood disorder. And in Canada, that is one out of five of us. Not an insignificant number, certainly.

Before I go any further I want to say this: every single person who experiences a mood disorder is unique. I do not believe that one size fits all when it comes to treatment. I am not promoting one form of treatment over another. What I am strongly encouraging is for those of you who may require treatment, that you arm yourself with knowledge and be honest with your physician about what you are experiencing. Then make a decision that is best for YOU.

Over the years I have had a partnership with my doctor; we have discussed medications as well as natural options and talk therapy. As my illness has evolved, so has my treatment. I am not ashamed to say that I take a medication. But I don't consider that to be a cure or the answer to my illness. Nope - not at all. Taking a medication is just one tool in my mental health kit. Among the other tools are things such as plenty of sleep, a balanced diet and regular exercise (OK, full disclosure - this is an ongoing work in progress!), a strong social network for support, a fulfilling job, and a sense of purpose. When my depression was deep, I also participated in cognitive behavioral therapy.

My biggest life lesson through 20 years of mental illness is this: do what is right for you. Ask yourself: how am I? How am I, really? Drown out all the voices around you; listen to the answer.

KB xo

* For more information about treatment visit the Mayo Clinic website.
* Learn about the Not Myself Today campaign and learn about the impact that mental illness has in Canadian workplaces.

"Fight or Flight"

My heart is beginning to race. I start shuffling from one foot to the other. Don't cry - just breathe. I said, don't cry! Breathe. Now my heart is beating fast. Just concentrate. Breathe. Don't cry. I catch my mom's eye. "I am having an anxiety attack," I whisper. I whisper when I want to yell.

It's 10:15 am on Saturday morning and we are at the gym in the middle of a training session. I am in a safe place, with friends and family, doing something that always makes me feel better when I am experiencing depression. Except for today. And this is not depression. This is anxiety in all its glory.

I last fifteen minutes before I make for the door. I quietly, because I am embarrassed, explain that I need to leave. I spend the next fifteen minutes in my car, sobbing. Watching people around me going about their Saturday morning errands as if nothing is wrong; as if today is any other Saturday. Me, with tears running down my cheeks. It doesn't feel like any other Saturday.

If you have never experienced an anxiety attack it must be very difficult to imagine what one feels like and how they occur. They are often completely irrational, although, unlike with depression (in my personal experience), they can easily be triggered by stress (at work or in your personal life) or as a result of a situation (for me, that is when I find myself in small, loud spaces). 

As has often been said, the mind and body are one. What you experience in your brain will impact your body. Here are some common symptoms for anxiety. And yes, I have experienced them all.

After my anxiety attack (also commonly referred to as a panic attack), I was hungry and exhausted. I spent the afternoon sleeping and cancelled my plans for the evening. Coincidentally, I was supposed to be at a mental health fundraiser tonight. If there is anything that you can feel OK about when you have to cross off your 'must do' list, it's attending a mental health event when you need to put your mental health first. 

And yet, even after all these years, the guilt that I carry when I cancel something is a heavy weight. My health is my priority, as it should be. However, I still worry that people view me as flaky or unreliable. When you have mental illness, your inner dialogue can be particularly cruel. It can be hard to turn the volume down some days.

I share this experience for the same reason that I share all of my experiences: for greater understanding of disorders that remain so stigmatized. Please, no sympathy - do not feel sorry for me. I often find myself waging a battle against chronic illness but so do many other people in this world. And yet I find myself a little bit mad for feeling embarrassed earlier today. So maybe this is also a little bit for me. Maybe it's a little bit about learning to let go of my own self stigma. Maybe we can fight this battle together.

KB xo

"How to Stay Sane in an Insane World"

This morning before I turned on the news I thought to myself, 'It's probably safe to turn on the television. So much bad stuff has happened recently - nothing else could have happened in the last day or so. I am sure I won't be faced with any sadness first thing in the morning.' Boy was I wrong. Three police officers shot and killed in the United States. This is on the heals of the tragedy in Nice, France. And few days ago a little girl and her mother were murdered in Alberta. And so on. Does it ever end?

Wars, terrorism, a contentious presidential race in the U.S. and civil rights demonstrations - it's all a bit much. Even the most positive of us can start to feel worn down by all of this. An American study of 2,500 people by NPR (National Public Radio), The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health found that "about 1 in 4 said that they had experienced a great deal of stress in the previous month" and that they attributed it to watching, reading or listening to news.

All this exposure to bad news is just not healthy for any of us. If you live with a mood disorder it can be dangerous. I live with a chronic illness. My depression is sometimes in remission and sometimes it is not. Like a diabetic who is regulalry checking their blood sugar levels, I also keep a vigilant eye on my mood. When healthy, I never forget that relapse is not impossible - I do what I can to mitigate that risk. And that means I am always aware of the energy around me. Right now the energy in the world sucks, to put it frankly.

So far that's a lot of bad news, correct? Well here's the thing - there are some things that you can control in a world that seems to have lost it's collective mind. 

Step one: turn off the TV. Then power off your computer and cell phone. Don't read the newspaper. Take a break from Facebook and Twitter. This might be the simplest remedy - stop the flow of bad news that reaches you via media. If you, like me, find it important to stay in touch with what is happening in the world, go ahead and stay connected but take a break from it every once in awhile. When I heard the sad news about the police officer this morning, I immediately turned off the TV. I didn't need to hear the details re-told over and over again. 

Step two: do something that makes you happy. In my case, this morning I made myself a cup of Kona coffee and drank it out of one of my favourite handmade pottery mugs while I sat outside in the sunshine and listened to the birds; simple yet a really effective mood-lifter for me. Read a good book, take a walk with a friend, hug your kid, make something. You don't need to do something big or spend a lot of money to shift your mood. In my experience it really is the simple things and moments that make me happiest and most content.

Step three: look for the good. Look for the helpers in the world - they are all around us. They just don't seem to get as much attention as the 'bad guys'. I don't have to look very far to find these things in my own life. I have some amazing friends and colleagues who create a lot of good energy in the world. I am drawn to those who want to create and live meaningful, healthy and happy lives. Their energy is contagious and I soak it up.

Step four: do something! Sometimes we can feel helpless in the face of injustices that happen on the world stage. You don't have to be a Prime Minister or President to be able create change. We all have a stake in this and we can each do things to create a better world. Find a local organization to volunteer with, participate in local community events, read books on topics that matter to you. Help influence change. Participating in your community can help you feel that you are part of the solution and that can feel really good.

No, we can't control the majority of what happens in this big world of ours. But we can control our own little worlds to an extent. Do what you can to cultivate calm, peace and gratitude in your life. It may take practice but it is so worth the effort. 

KB xo

Bingeing on Bad News Can Fuel Daily Stress

Volunteering Can Improve Your Mental Health and Help You Live Longer

Harvard Health Publications: Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier

"The Black Dog and The Elephant"

As an advocate for mental health awareness I find myself walking a fine line; how do I make my message strong and effective yet palatable? How can I get people to understand the reality of mental illness without scaring them away from the topic? 

Today I feel compelled to write with a frankness and out of a sense of urgency. You see, another young person tried to take her life just a few days ago. And when I say young, I mean young - as in thirteen years old. How horrific is an illness that robs a child of any sense of hope? To feel such despair is a horrible, dark place in which to find yourself. I know because I have felt that despair, I have been in that place - a tiny, single, solitary step away from a complete loss of hope and an irrevocable decision. 

I was lucky because, for some reason, I was able to recognize the imminent danger that I was in and I called my brother. I stepped back from the brink that afternoon. I am so glad that I did.

I have been to two mental health conferences since February and I have been struck by the two distinct types of speakers and presentations. First of all, the vast majority of experts will share statistics, talk about legal accountabilities of employers and generally speak about mental disorders in a somewhat clinical manner. Kind of interesting but a tad boring at times. Where is the call to action? What does the average person take away from this?

The second category is much more compelling - the speakers who emphasize that when we talk about mental illness, we are actually talking about life and death. People die from severe mental illness. And that is the elephant in the room that so many of us shy away from. Can't go there - it's much too real.

Here's the most important thing that I can tell you: if you know someone that you think may be suicidal, ask them. Don't dance around the topic or be afraid that by asking, you will plant that idea (you won't). What could happen is that you could save a human being's life. It's absolutely that simple. Employer, family member, friend - it doesn't matter who you are. If someone is in crisis, reach out to them. If you were to see someone have a heart attack in front of you, would you just watch or walk away? No, you would not.

A person who attempts suicide does not actually want to die. No, they don't. Nor are they selfish. What they really desire is a respite from the pain, the unrelenting despair and darkness: for the black dog of depression to retreat back into the shadows. Telling someone in a mental health crisis that you are worried for them and that you care is like tossing a drowning person a life jacket and life line.

I know too many people who have attempted suicide; some have tried multiple times. I thank the powers that be that each of these people are still here and making the world a better place. I am thankful that I am still here.

Don't give up on yourself, ever. And let's never give up on each other. We are all in this together. I stepped back from the brink that day. If you are in despair, please know that you can step back as well. There is still hope. There is always hope. Your story isn't over yet...

KB xo

Are you or someone you know in a mental health crisis? Here are some resources:

British Columbia Crisis Centre

The Lifeline Canada

How to talk to someone about suicide.

"Dive Into the Deep"

I find inspiration in many places: it's in a fresh spring day, a conversation with a colleague or friend or in the lyrics to a song. One of my most tried and true sources of inspiration is through reading books. Female authors who tell their real-life tales of hardship, perseverance and growth are particular favourites of mine. 

From an early age, when other little girls were being read fairly tales, I would beg my Grandma to tell me 'real-live' stories. The truth has always fascinated me far more than anything made up. She would tell me about the kittens born in the basement of my mother's childhood home in Calgary or some other little tale that would always keep me asking for more yet leave me satisfied and happy - content with the time sitting nestled with Grammy.

My Grandma persevered through difficult times with a challenging husband who spent most of his life living with an undiagnosed mood disorder. It wasn't until very late in life that he finally received a diagnosis and treatment. Grandma was delicate, sweet and incredibly loving. And she was also strong as steel. I know that she lived through emotional pain yet she never gave in to it. I learned a lot watching my Grandma navigate life. 

I recently finished reading two wonderful books by female authors that deeply touched me. The first was Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol by Ann Dowsett-Johnson. I have written in a previous post about her story of her journey through alcohol addiction and mental illness; her commitment to walking an incredibly difficult path through darkness is amazing. The second book is I, Bificus by Canadian musician, actor, social advocate and super sweet human being, Bif Naked. 

Bif Naked (Beth Torbert) has stripped herself and her life naked for this book. I am sure that I am not the first to draw that comparison between her book and her name. From multiple sexual assaults to the sexual harassment as a woman in a male-dominated music industry to a breast cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment, Bif does not shy away from her truth. I am not going to lie - I had to leave the book for a few days after reading some of its more difficult content. But I came back - I had to. It was just too compelling. Having had the pleasure of meeting Bif, the content was deeper and more personal to me. This happened to a human being that I have engulfed in a squishy hug before. This isn't just a story - this is real. 

Here's what I love about Bif's book, her story and her life: the authenticity and the commitment to being true to herself. And, ultimately, her story is one of survival, purpose and resiliency. She gives me great hope, as do the other women and men who embrace who they are, the journeys that life takes them on and who aren't afraid to say "this is who I am world - this is me!"

Go ahead - indulge in fairy tales. But please don't stay in the shallow end of life's pool. Take a risk, be brave and embrace who you are. Create your own happy ending by owning your story and your glorious self.

KB xo

P.S. Dedicated to Bif (unicorns unite!) and my Grammy. xo

P.P.S. Need a personal anthem for those hard days? Check out Bif's song I Love Myself Today

"Own Your Journey"

The people who I have always admired most in life are the ones who are willing to appear flawed, the ones who embrace who they are - the good, the bad and the ugly. Think about it for a moment. Sure, there are the sports heroes and maybe the actors that we see up on that big screen. We are often awed by their talent. But the ones who show us a little bit of who they really are, aren't those the ones that you feel more of a connection with, the ones who we truly admire?

The leaders that I have learned the most from in the workplace, the ones who I would go the extra mile for are those people. They are the ones who admit that they don't have all the answers; they are the ones who recognize that by sharing their foibles or a personal challenge, they allow their employees to connect with them. It's a building block for trust.

Many workplaces are shifting away from the old way of thinking that you must leave your personal life at home when you arrive at your desk at 9:00 am each day. With flexible hours, less rigid dress codes and changing technology, so too must the idea of traditional workplace expectations. One of those 'old' expectations? Never, ever talk about your mental health. Depression or anxiety? Keep that secret locked down tight.

I was speaking with a colleague this past week about some family health challenges that she is experiencing. She had a great perspective. She said that although this is the hardest time of her life and it's awful in moments, there are also times of happiness and appreciation for the little moments in life. She also said how she feels that she will come through this experience stronger, more resilient and a better person. Isn't that what life really is all about - building new skills, learning and growing? 

My honesty in the workplace about depression and anxiety has been ridiculed, joked about behind my back, and used to hold me back in my career but mostly it has been a way for me to move forward. For every one person in the workplace who just didn't understand (and maybe didn't want to), I would say that there were five who embraced my honesty, sought to understand me and my illness, supported me and encouraged me. I think that my experiences and the skills that I have had to develop to manage a chronic illness have led me to a career path that fits like a glove. These are also skills that employers look for: resilience, perspective, strength and empathy.

So why don't we talk about mental illness enough in the workplace yet? Why, after five years of writing this blog, am I still writing posts about mental health in the workplace? Why is it still not really acceptable to say to your co-worker or your manager, "I just don't feel like myself today?" Simply, the stigma is still too imposing and scary for most people. 

Here's the good news. With campaigns such as Bell's Let's Talk and organizations such as Partners for Mental Health with their Not Myself Today campaign, we are slowly starting to create positive change and move towards real inclusion and awareness of mental health issues in the workplace. And I can promise you this: welcoming, inclusive workplaces and understanding, empathetic managers exist. I know because that is my current reality.

Please visit the Not Myself Today website and consider signing up your workplace as part of the campaign. Partners for Mental Health (PFMH) has fabulous resources available to employers. You could even have a PFMH volunteer such as myself come to your workplace to help you start a conversation that matters.

Never disown or hide your difficult times. We all have them; they are what connect us to each other and make us who we are. What if we all just embraced ourselves, scrapes, bruises and all, and chose to simply accept and respect each other? I think that's the world in which I want to live and work. What about you?

KB xo

Mental Illness on the Job
How to Manage Mental Health Issues in the Workplace